Day 305

 It has now been 305 days since my accident and today it was a trip for a follow-up with the orthopedic surgeon who put old Humpty back together last June. The hip is doing okay, not spectacular, but okay. I can walk longer without too much discomfort and when the weather is agreeable I’m able to get in some decent cycling. By decent, I mean more than 30 miles distance wise, my ultimate goal is to be back to doing 50 plus but I think that will have to wait. For the time being I’m grateful for what I am able to do but of course there us a slight fly in the ointment. Seems that one of the titanium nails, specifically, the one that goes into the hip is causing some irritation. Apparently, and this is not the scientific explanation, it seems that the end of this nail protrudes just ever so slightly so that it irritates the tendon that goes along the outside of my hip. Sort of like a building that settles over time, as my hip heals there is some shifting that causes the head of this nail to protrude a bit further.  It’s not a cause for concern right now but, and this is a huge but, it might require further surgery to replace said nail with another one that is slightly smaller. Needless to say this was not welcome information. I really don’t want anymore surgery, I really don’t want to see the inside of a hospital for any reason. Even going in today was just too much, staring up at the ceiling while a set of x-rays were being taken brought me back to that day I was rolled into that place. I’m now trying to process this latest information, trying to wrap my head around what another surgery would mean for my overall health.

 Basically, I am a bit bummed out to say the least. All of the old anger and fear has come right back just as I was starting to feel better about myself. I’ve been writing more, played with a bit of poetry and looking forward to starting a new writing class this week. As the weather has warmed I’ve been able to get out cycling on the road, of course yesterday’s snow has put a damper on things but it will soon melt and again I’ll be outside. I’m so looking forward to a summer without having to do any rehab or being stuck in bed, a summer of taking some trips, cycling here and there, basically a worry free time. 

 Now I have this sword of Damocles hanging over my head. Psychologically it is something that puts a dark edge to the once bright horizon and I can see it looming in the distance. “Red sky at night, sailors delight. Red sky in morning, sailors take warning”, I’m on the warning side of this little saying, a red sky that I see out there, a vortex that I hope to avoid. 

 My immediate goal is to get my hip stronger. Continue to cycle, continue to walk and do those things that I am able to accomplish. I will spend my summer enjoying life, writing more prose and poetry. If I need to face the beast, then I will do so with a strong heart and a courageous soul, I will not be beaten, I will not cower, that you can bet on.