It has now been 130 days since I was struck down while out cycling, strange how time can pass so quickly while one is in the midst of crisis. Most of these past 130 days has been spent working on getting my hip back into some semblance of strength along with more endurance. It has gotten better but still, I’m nowhere near the place I was the day before the car door hit me and I’m getting the feeling that it will still take time to regain everything fully, if ever. Today I had my visit with the orthopedic who performed the surgery and as far as he is concerned all looks well. The rods and nails are doing their job in helping the bone to heal, I now will have to just keep plugging away at the exercises I’ve been given, no matter how I feel. I did get in a couple of road rides this past week, nothing too excessive, no epic riding just yet. Then again, when talking about excessive its always in the eye of the beholder, my not being excessive cycling can be for someone else a huge undertaking. In this there is a lesson, for all of us in our lives take and do things based on our own abilities and gifts. We get overly sensitive or even jealous of another persons abilities not realizing that we all have that inner strength to tap into. I know, some will say that’s easy for me to say yet the reality have been those days when I woke up, hurting, unable to walk without any pain wondering if I would ever be able to ride my bike again. The night before I got my bike back from the shop and started thinking about riding again I was confronted by fear, that psychological barrier that I knew needed to overcome so that I could get out and do what I wanted. My greatest battle is against self, my own fears, doubts and also anger.
I am far from being out of the woods, there are still many miles to go both on the outward journey forward and the inner struggles against the demons of fear and doubt. The one thing that has kept me anchored against the tides has been the love I share with Janie and all that we have lived through. In everything we have not been swept away or lost in the mire but have been each other’s beacon in the storm. Life, well, it ain’t easy. None of us has ever been guaranteed a trouble free existence and I for one have had to drill a little deeper within to discover reserves that I didn’t know either I had or existed. I just finished reading the lesson from Job for this upcoming Sunday and in it God tells, Job to gird up his loins like a man, in other words stop the pity party and pick yourself up.
It is truly by grace that I am am where I am and without that hope the despair would soon swallow me into the darkest depths. I choose to reach out into the light, I choose to love, to rejoice and to enjoy each moment of each day, because one never knows what the future holds.