My Reflections for today.

Every time that I take a Meyers-Briggs personality test I always come out as INFP, that’s Introvert, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceptive. One of the wonders of this type of personality is that persons who come out this way tend to process any information. Some would call it procrastination, but a true INFP would beg to differ, we process. We let an issue roll around in our heads as we seek to dissect every segment and if you are trying to be a writer then it’s perfection we look for because flaws only start us processing again. Yes, it can be a vicious circle but it is one that I have come to accept, especially on those Saturday nights when I can’t sleep as I am letting that Sunday morning sermon just do its best to keep me awake.
This past week, like many others, I was stunned by the report of the death of Robin Williams. Since then plenty of people, more eloquently that I could ever be, have written about his passing and his struggle with depression. We will never know what was on his mind as he made that fateful decision to end his life, but as one who has struggled with depression I can only say that it had to have been a very lonely place. It’s hard to explain depression, for me it’s like losing one’s peripheral vision, everything starts to close in and you cannot see anything but the abyss that lies ahead. Well meaning folks will say that all one needs to do is sort of pull themselves up and get on with living, but it’s much more complicated than that, it’s beyond just the feelings of sadness. I have been sad, sad over the loss of love, sad at seeing the end of summer or the end of a good moment with friends and family, but when the depression sets in I feel different. It’s not something I can control, there are many days when I feel great and then in the middle of the busyness of life I can suddenly feel overwhelmed, my eyes begin to tear up and I sense that loss of my peripheral inner sight. Most times I can recognize what is happening and I can begin taking the psychological steps to work through those feelings, steps that I learned through therapy. I also pray, not so much for relief from the feelings as much as I pray for understanding, that I can hopefully see what underlies this slow descent so that I can begin to unravel that mystery.
Over the next few days I may just watch a couple of my favorite Robin Williams movies, Hook, Good Will Hunting and Dead Poets Society. I will see a man, who despite his own struggles, still gave us such powerful and provocative performances. He indeed added “his verse” and so we all add our “verses” to the long and continuing tale that is the story of human life.

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